Of all the Options
I go through in my head
while lying awake in my bed,
‘Returning to My Country’
always made the cut…
Only until recently,
when the feeling of other-ness,
which some people talked about,
but I never believed existed,
manifested itself into Acts made and Bills passed,
for the likes of me to be purged from the land.
Forcing us to prove loyalty.
Scrambling us to provide documents,
proving that we indeed existed.
I keep waiting for someone to tell me,
that all of it was a big joke, an April fool prank.
I am still waiting. Maybe I am a fool.
The hurtful images I see,
of the streets I once roamed on,
haunt me. They keep me awake,
and now when I review my options, sadly enough,
‘Returning to My Country’ does not come up.
I cannot return to something which does not feel mine anymore.
I cannot return to My Country.
Not because I can’t,
but because I don’t want to.
I don’t want to,
because, in my memory,
I want to remember it as the same place I once lived.
I want to preserve it’s sanctity.
I still want to keep it as my Home I left years ago.
I would rather long for it,
than return and ruin it.
Maybe I am fool.
-April Fool, 1st April 2020.
